Tonight’s auditions are in San Juan, Puerto Rico and New York City.

The judges arrive in NYC via helicopter. Nice.

First up in NYC is Adeola Adegoka who has been compared to Mariah Carey and Mary J. Blige. She quit her job cause she knows she’s going to Hollywood. She sings “And I’m Telling You” by Jennifer Hudson. It’s terrible. Simon says it was shockingly bad. She tries to sing another song and is stopped by the judges. It’s a no. Simon talks to her previous employer on the phone and asks him to give her her job back. She gets the job back. Adeola says their is something deep inside that’s nice about Simon.

Jorge Nunez is first up in Puerto Rico. He has a good voice, but is singing in Spanish. Paula asks him to sing something in English. He sings “What a Wonderful World”. Kara says he has a nice voice, but has some pronunciation issues with the English song. Simon says they are in Puerto Rico to find someone with an accent, otherwise they’d be in Omaha. Randy loved it. It’s a yes for Jorge.

Jessika Baier is from Michigan and won a contest to pay for her trip to Puerto Rico to audition. She won the world’s most beautiful baby contest and has been in between 500-700 contests. She sings Celine Dion’s “I Surrender”. It’s not good. Simon says it was awful and can’t believe she’s won anything. She begs the judges to let her sing something else. Randy says her voice is not on point. Paula says it bordered on shrilling. Simon says he can swim but is not gonna win 10 medals at the Olympic Games. It’s a no.

Next we have several rejections.

Back in NYC, Melina Camille admits to dancing naked in her room. It brings her enlightenment and happiness. She wants to uplift humanity with her voice and join a nudist colony. When asked if she wishes she were naked for the audition she says yes if the judges were and Simon tells her to picture Randy naked. Ew! She sings “Feelin’ Good”. I like it. Randy says she has a nice voice. Kara says she’s like a vitamin boost. 4 yeses.

Jackie Tohn has only known how to be an entertainer. She’s been doing it for 10 years. She’s singing “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz. Simon asks for a second song. She sings one of her original songs, or at least I think so. Paula says she’s unpredictable and surprising. Randy likes her tone. Kara likes her and can’t wait to hear what she sings next. She asks what direction she should go in when the windows behind the judges start falling down. Whoa. Simon tells her a good artist knows who they are. She gets 4 yeses.

A parade of rejections in San Juan.

I really don’t like that Chris Brown Doublemint gum commercial. It drives me nuts.

Back on Idol, we have another parade of awful singers from both places.

Joel Contreras is known in San Juan as the crazy rocker. He thinks he’s creative and comes into the audition as a human ipod/guy pod. He starts singing and immediately Simon asks for a different song. He throws the ipod and begins singing a different song. Simon can’t listen to it anymore and says the whole act is excruciatingly bad. Joel then gets a little lion hand puppet out of his pocket and starts singing “Circle of Life”. It’s a no.

Back in NYC, we meet Nick Mitchell aka Norman Gentle. He’s wearing ridiculous red sweat bands on his head and wrist, a crazy print shirt, khaki shorts, and black socks. Simon tells him he hates comedy and that his entrance wasn’t funny. He sings “And I’m Telling You”. Simon cuts him off and reminds him he told Simon he wouldn’t be funny. Norman says Simon hurt him where you get kicked sometimes and it was hard. Simon thought Norman would have quite liked it. Norman then replies with “the way you like it when Seacrest does it.” Hahaha. Simon thought that was funny. Norman then sings “Amazing Grace”. Paula loves it and Kara is thoroughly entertained. Kara and Paula say yes. Simon says no. Norman is through to Hollywood.

Surprisingly now it’s a parade of good singers.

Now a parade of awfuls.

The next contestant brings her 9 year old brother, Christopher, into her audition. Christopher brought the judges a shell, but it broke. Christopher thinks the judges will love his sister, Monique Garcia Torres. She sings “You Can’t Hurry Love” by the Supremes. It’s nasally. She then sings “I Turn To You” by Christina Aguilera. I think this one is better than the first. Simon says she should have chosen a song in her range. Randy and Kara don’t think she’s ready. Paula says yes. Simon says the auditions were very old-fashioned and cabaret, but he’s going to give her another chance. She’s going to Hollywood.

Back in NYC, Alexis Cohen is auditioning. She also auditioned for Season 7 expressing a great deal of profanity and middle fingers when she didn’t make it. She evidently has a new attitude and is now Buddhist? Ok. She sings “Like A Prayer” by Madonna. It’s still not good. Simon says it was horrendous and better last year. Alexis doesn’t know what to do besides give Simon the finger. It’s a no.

Patricia Lewis Roman’s parents were married at the location of the auditions in San Juan. She sings ” I Want to Dance with Somebody”. Simon thought it was a crazy song choice and not good enough. Simon tells her to sing something else and she sings a song in Spanish. Randy says yes. Kara says no. She’s going to Hollywood.

9 contestants from Puerto Rico and 26 contestants from NYC are going to Hollywood.

Next week is Hollywood week. Hollywood week is brutal. I can’t wait!